A sudden wave of nostalgia strikes me and I was going through all my older posts (waaaay back in '07) and came across this post that strangely reflects my current mood.
Depression
Four years down the road... And I am still debating. Except that now I feel probably ten times worse.
I need strength.
I need a heart of stone.
I need help.
Showing posts with label Rants. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rants. Show all posts
The Pain of Searching
...Is a pain in the ass..............
Of not knowing when you will obtain what you wish....
Of the uncertainty whether you made the right choice....
I am therefore, very, very thankful that the search is over! HUGE RELIEF!
Over the past couple of months, I've been combing over property websites in search of a new place. It's not easy I tell you! Ok, maybe I should rephrase. It's not easy if you're as picky as me T_T
So anyway, initially we were supposed to look for a whole unit sort of place, as our current housemates want to move out with us, days turned into weeks searching for the right location and the budget to fit.
Unit #1 we went to was really basic, and way overcrowded. Three room mates in a common room, can you believe it! A little run down I must say but I loved the location - it was in Toa Payoh and the surrounding was really clean, well kept and convenient because there's kopitiam, shops and all.
Unit #2 was way out of budget, though it was a really nice place!
Beautiful, to say the least. A family used to stay in the area, hence it looks very live-able... kitchen also really nice, but the whole unit is $400 above our budget... Really sad.... Also the problem with renting with a number of people... usually not everyone will be able to attend the viewing, so you have to take pictures, get back, discuss, and by the time an agreement is reached, the unit is already taken :S
Then, it was close to CNY already so we had to put the whole searching on hold, BUT the other two housemates decided they want to stay on in the current place.... so it's just down to me and Suen... the search for rooms is on!
Room #1, there was way too many occupants in that small place (well, which HDB in Singapore isn't small anyway?) plus, a part of the living area was partitioned off to make space for an additional room.
Room #2 was out of the area that we were targetting, and we will be living with the owners if we decide to take the place. BUT!! they have a dog!!! Called Puffy!!! She's really adorable, and she's really suspicious of us and would bark, and when she does that, she will be trotting with her body arched while glaring at us LOL.... Anyways, we were kinda close to getting the place, but we're still in a not-quite-sure kinda mode and so we had to put it on hold.... Area was nice (had a large park just behind the building) and all but living with owners is usually not very pleasant... A lot of restrictions imposed.
Room #3 has a family living in the unit. The place was huge for Singapore standards and the owner wanted to rent out the master bedroom with toilet attached. Some more the owner said we have to refrain from turning on the air-conditioning cause the noise bothers her husband! Got ridiculous or not??? Quite a lot restrictions also.... sigh....
Room #4 - was the room that I thought to be the room of my dreams!! It was perfect, with an owner around Ah Ma's age, and she seems like a swell kinda lady! She even cooks Penang food and with that, I was sold. I called the agent up immediately after but the grandma said she has to discuss with her daughter before proceeding with the agreement. I was all nerves, I badly wanted the place! The room is completely within budget, and sits right across the MRT. The grandma kept us waiting... for almost 24 hours.... By then my spirits were somehow dampened... Then the agent called me to say that the deal is off cos the grandma's crazy daughter just came up with additional restrictions and she said she doesn't want to rent out to two people! I was soooo mad and upset that I cried if you could believe it. I think it was the exhaustion and pressure of looking for a place that finally got to me.....
Bitter and absolutely disappointed, we had to continue our search... Room #5 also with owner... I was not entirely pleased with the place (cos the bar was raised by Room #4) and the area was around Braddell and somehow doesn't quite possess the charm that Toa Payoh has.... Some more this owner said we can't even invite our parents over! She said mum ok, but not father. I was like wtf?? Why not?? And you know what she said? She said not comfortable la.... u know we ladies wear shorts etc etc. I was like, double WTF!! You think my dad pervert meh??? And that was it, I know this type of owner is going to be hell-ish to live with and I just wanted to get outta there.
Room #6... we met with the owner (staying with parents) and they are really nice people! The owner even told us that sometimes her parents will cook and normally there's extra and it's always okay for us to have some etc etc. It's only a small room though and Suen and I were thinking, if possible we want to avoid living with owners, but this could probably be an exception... so we kept the place under KIV.
Room #7 .... is the lucky number. The viewing came directly after viewing Room #6. As soon as we saw the place, both Suen and I, we just know that we want the place!! It's really funny and we even high-fived each other lol... It's a quaint little place, but we will be sharing the whole unit with another lady. I'm really excited about the new place... it's even better than the so-called Dream Room #4!! Staying at this new place will drastically cut down my commuting time from an hour to half! Also ironically, it's located at the same block as the first ever unit I'd viewed, together with Suen. So it kinda seems fitting to end the search where we started....
As much as I don't believe in God's will and all that, I have never been so inclined to think otherwise. If the whole chain of process hadn't been so difficult, we would have settled for the first few units, with the possibility of some of the housemates pulling out at the last minute, or we could have settled for something so much less than what we could have gotten if we hadn't tried a little harder, and waited a little longer...
Having said that, as much as I want to get out of Tiong Bahru, I am going to miss this place as well. It has served me pretty good over the past four months... I will miss the park just across the road where I usually run... A little shortcut that brings you to Orchard Road within 30-40mins walk... The spontaneous late night movies we could catch because the cinema is so blardy near! A quaint place and supposedly well known for the numerous good food it has to offer. Unfortunately, I haven't had the chance to try them yet but just because I'm no longer staying in the area, doesn't mean I won't have the opportunity to try the food there right?
Things I Can't Tolerate
One of the questions consistently thrown at me these couple of years is, "when you getting married ah?".
One might think, what's the big deal? Well, if it's the first time you're asking me, it's ok, I can answer you in an overly polite manner. Second time, I'd say it matter-of-factly, third dose and pretty darn close to the eruption, answer given with gritted teeth. Fourth is kaboom.
It amazes me, why so many out there are even more 'enthusiastic' about me getting married than I am. We will get married when the time is right and who better to know that other than me and him? You think easy peasy matter to be wedded? Think it's just signing on a few pieces of paper, give aunty uncle drink tea, then yaaaaaaaaam seng one whole night then settle liaw?
Sorry I have to crush your fragile ideas about marriage, but no, it's not just that. It's a large responsibility and before the responsibility begins, me, like many other modern couples, would prefer to have a proper house we can call our own, and of course, financial stability.
And it gets better. Some of these 'questioners' (which normally comprise of folks of a senior category) would then launch into a long-winded lecture about how it is important to plan things out, having kids before hitting 30, no need wait so much money, no need house bla bla bla. Geez... different people have different opinions and while I do not force you to look from my point of view, I'd expect the same from you. And do you actually think that within the 9 months post-wedding a baby is going to pop out??
After so many years of being in a long distance relationship, I could really do with a nice, proper period to enjoy wedded moments before having a new life in the circle. I'm not against having babies but don't you think it's all rather tiring? Imagine the months and months of wedding planning, getting the actually wedding day through, then 9 months of TLC, couple of days in panic and excruciating labour pain, then indefinite number of years comprising of screaming babies, yelling toddlers, mayhem-filled lives.
NO. And I am firm about that. Let ME decide when I want to be married, and when I want to have kids. My life, not yours to determine.
At least Mom and Dad are really cool about all this, never really bringing up the marriage topic, knowing that I am wise and old enough to decide what's good for me. See?? I appreciate the concern people have for me but once is ok, more than that is not. I shall take your advice, but I may not act according to them, thank you very much.
Wah, super long-winded post this is turning out to become.
I also cannot tolerate people who love telling me what I CAN or CANNOT do.
Since young, I've been a really rebellious prat. I've been fighting for my freedom as far as I can remember. Mom used to take heavy parental control over us siblings, which is against my nature. I fought back, again and again to achieve independence.
And now that I'm all grown up, so used to the freedom that I have fought for, suddenly having some people telling me what I can or cannot do.... is something I have not experienced for a long, long time... And I'm telling you, I don't like it one bit. I take pride in the fact that I hardly make decisions on impulse and am wise enough to know what is good or bad for me.
Giving advice and stuff like that is fine... but being confined to do what others want me to.... hell no. It's quite scary sometimes, thinking that I might, in the future, unleash the rebel in me to get a point across. No, I don't want to do that.... so don't force that ugly side out of me!
One might think, what's the big deal? Well, if it's the first time you're asking me, it's ok, I can answer you in an overly polite manner. Second time, I'd say it matter-of-factly, third dose and pretty darn close to the eruption, answer given with gritted teeth. Fourth is kaboom.
It amazes me, why so many out there are even more 'enthusiastic' about me getting married than I am. We will get married when the time is right and who better to know that other than me and him? You think easy peasy matter to be wedded? Think it's just signing on a few pieces of paper, give aunty uncle drink tea, then yaaaaaaaaam seng one whole night then settle liaw?
Sorry I have to crush your fragile ideas about marriage, but no, it's not just that. It's a large responsibility and before the responsibility begins, me, like many other modern couples, would prefer to have a proper house we can call our own, and of course, financial stability.
And it gets better. Some of these 'questioners' (which normally comprise of folks of a senior category) would then launch into a long-winded lecture about how it is important to plan things out, having kids before hitting 30, no need wait so much money, no need house bla bla bla. Geez... different people have different opinions and while I do not force you to look from my point of view, I'd expect the same from you. And do you actually think that within the 9 months post-wedding a baby is going to pop out??
After so many years of being in a long distance relationship, I could really do with a nice, proper period to enjoy wedded moments before having a new life in the circle. I'm not against having babies but don't you think it's all rather tiring? Imagine the months and months of wedding planning, getting the actually wedding day through, then 9 months of TLC, couple of days in panic and excruciating labour pain, then indefinite number of years comprising of screaming babies, yelling toddlers, mayhem-filled lives.
NO. And I am firm about that. Let ME decide when I want to be married, and when I want to have kids. My life, not yours to determine.
At least Mom and Dad are really cool about all this, never really bringing up the marriage topic, knowing that I am wise and old enough to decide what's good for me. See?? I appreciate the concern people have for me but once is ok, more than that is not. I shall take your advice, but I may not act according to them, thank you very much.
Wah, super long-winded post this is turning out to become.
I also cannot tolerate people who love telling me what I CAN or CANNOT do.
Since young, I've been a really rebellious prat. I've been fighting for my freedom as far as I can remember. Mom used to take heavy parental control over us siblings, which is against my nature. I fought back, again and again to achieve independence.
And now that I'm all grown up, so used to the freedom that I have fought for, suddenly having some people telling me what I can or cannot do.... is something I have not experienced for a long, long time... And I'm telling you, I don't like it one bit. I take pride in the fact that I hardly make decisions on impulse and am wise enough to know what is good or bad for me.
Giving advice and stuff like that is fine... but being confined to do what others want me to.... hell no. It's quite scary sometimes, thinking that I might, in the future, unleash the rebel in me to get a point across. No, I don't want to do that.... so don't force that ugly side out of me!
Starve Yourself Not
It's the month of fasting, and guess what, it's kinda obvious with the 'extremely effective' LRTs and the 'efficient services' by some on puasa. No offense to those who are fasting, but a job is a job. Whether you are sick, or haven't eaten/drank anything for 10 hours, you still got to do what it takes to maintain and perform your duties. Especially so if you work with the government services, customer services ... and most importantly public transport! If you're not fit to work, then go to a doctor and receive a medical certificate!
Anyway, the whole purpose of the fasting during the month of Ramadhan is to experience what it feels like being a poor person and without food. And also to discipline oneself. Well, being poor and food-less also means having more determination to earn food, hence there should be no excuses for any staff to shuffle along in their own sweet time doing work!
I am of course, not bad-mouthing the Muslims, only those who slack.
Another gripe that I have is about this pantry of an office I have seen. There is a microwave in the pantry as well, with a huge sign "Halal food only" plastered over its front opening.
Now, I have no problems with the request. But my gripe is that, if we have to be sensitive about the Muslims' needs, why can't they be sensitive to the Hindus' and Buddhists' needs?
Muslims do not eat pork because the animal is not considered halal. In a sense they can actually live with and without it, so long as pork is not consumed. But the Hindus and also Buddhists see cows as a sacred animal. Cows are given respect and those practising the religion are forbidden to consume these protected mammals. Instead, we live in a selfish world where pepperoni pizzas are ordered, beef rendang and whatnot and heated in the microwave.
You tell me whether that's fair.
Anyway, the whole purpose of the fasting during the month of Ramadhan is to experience what it feels like being a poor person and without food. And also to discipline oneself. Well, being poor and food-less also means having more determination to earn food, hence there should be no excuses for any staff to shuffle along in their own sweet time doing work!
I am of course, not bad-mouthing the Muslims, only those who slack.
Another gripe that I have is about this pantry of an office I have seen. There is a microwave in the pantry as well, with a huge sign "Halal food only" plastered over its front opening.
Now, I have no problems with the request. But my gripe is that, if we have to be sensitive about the Muslims' needs, why can't they be sensitive to the Hindus' and Buddhists' needs?
Muslims do not eat pork because the animal is not considered halal. In a sense they can actually live with and without it, so long as pork is not consumed. But the Hindus and also Buddhists see cows as a sacred animal. Cows are given respect and those practising the religion are forbidden to consume these protected mammals. Instead, we live in a selfish world where pepperoni pizzas are ordered, beef rendang and whatnot and heated in the microwave.
You tell me whether that's fair.
Status: In a Relationship... with a phone.
How long has it been since I actually blogged? I started off as a person who vents her anger and frustrations through the blog but recently, this blog has shifted directions and seems to serve as a diary and equates more of a food blog. Hell no!
Recently, I've been hanging out with my friends a lot more frequently than I did back in Penang. One big turn-off with these people are that they are constantly on the phone/texting. It hit me in a wave of realisation that no matter how we all strive to keep in touch and bond, but when that moment of opportunity comes along, instead of optimising every precious moment, again, we text and face our mobiles more than our own friends.
When I am out with my friends, I normally ignore my phone unless a call comes in. Any messages are deemed non urgent and can always be replied when conversation is sparse. Therefore, I am constantly annoyed when friends of mine treat their phones with more respect than myself!
Each beep or tweeting of the phone is hurriedly answered like a newborn baby crying for milk. What the hell? Don't these people find it rude to answer calls and text in the presence of others?
Ok, I am ranting. Admittedly I do the same, sometimes but not overly so. I may not be very popular to receive text messages every few minutes but I do have the sense to not be in an overly obsessive relationship with an object that will never give me the same luv.
Cheers!
Recently, I've been hanging out with my friends a lot more frequently than I did back in Penang. One big turn-off with these people are that they are constantly on the phone/texting. It hit me in a wave of realisation that no matter how we all strive to keep in touch and bond, but when that moment of opportunity comes along, instead of optimising every precious moment, again, we text and face our mobiles more than our own friends.
When I am out with my friends, I normally ignore my phone unless a call comes in. Any messages are deemed non urgent and can always be replied when conversation is sparse. Therefore, I am constantly annoyed when friends of mine treat their phones with more respect than myself!
Each beep or tweeting of the phone is hurriedly answered like a newborn baby crying for milk. What the hell? Don't these people find it rude to answer calls and text in the presence of others?
Ok, I am ranting. Admittedly I do the same, sometimes but not overly so. I may not be very popular to receive text messages every few minutes but I do have the sense to not be in an overly obsessive relationship with an object that will never give me the same luv.
Cheers!
What Exams can do to you
Stumbled upon this little picture that I took during the study week of my final semester. Wondered whether it was my eyes playing tricks on me or is it that my books are finally understanding that its contents are ridiculously ****ed ?
Hol's out!
Wrapping up my 1 week and a half holiday... now waiting to board my flight from Johor back to Penang. Took a cab from Singapore at 3pm and reached the airport bloody early, at 4 plus whereas my flight is at 7.20pm. A more stupid thing is that to actually get online here, I need to pay like RM5 for an hour. How 'cut throat' is that?
Drive back up was pretty boring, nothing happened. I was definitely disappointed that my break had to come to an end. I missed those skyscrapers, the systematic life of a Singaporean, the food, the convenience, the order, the service....
Now that I'm back, I can't help but to compare the two countries. Just after the customs, where the officers are all young and fit and looked reasonably strict, then suddenly after the bridge, I am greeted with pot-bellied officers, female officers who actually wore HEELS on duty. Then the rubbish strewn all over the road, people jaywalking with motorcycle riders helmet-less. Yeah, back to the land of nobody's business.
Drive back up was pretty boring, nothing happened. I was definitely disappointed that my break had to come to an end. I missed those skyscrapers, the systematic life of a Singaporean, the food, the convenience, the order, the service....
Now that I'm back, I can't help but to compare the two countries. Just after the customs, where the officers are all young and fit and looked reasonably strict, then suddenly after the bridge, I am greeted with pot-bellied officers, female officers who actually wore HEELS on duty. Then the rubbish strewn all over the road, people jaywalking with motorcycle riders helmet-less. Yeah, back to the land of nobody's business.
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